Genuine Imitation Ovalkwik

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A pseudo-chocolate drink-mix preferred by Carbosilicate Amorphs like Sergeant Schlock. It consists of glucose, fructose, corn syrup solids, concentrated cocoa-bean extract, assorted methylxanthine alkaloids (including caffeine, theobromine, and theophylline), sodium laureth sulphate, Minoxadyl, buckminster fullerene, codeine, hyper-ephedrine, nicotine, with BHA and BHT added to preserve freshness. Ch'vorthq characterized it as "a very heavy stimulant cocktail cut with shampoo and inert ultra-tensile carbon" 2001-02-25.

Although it should be mixed with a liquid & drunk, Sergeant Schlock eats it straight (but he has occasionally cut it with tequila).

It is what is meant by "The Tub of Happiness" (also 2001-02-25).


New Ovalkwik Refreshing Energy Paste has been called 'sludgy', but that's okay, since the Ovalkwik Marketing Team bought the rights to add a new definition to the word "refreshing" 2007-10-26

Notable Examples

Used to revive an ailing amorph population on 2002-03-12 ("It's easier to sprinkle it on your friends if you don't read the ingredients, soldier.")

Mixed with tequila 2005-02-24 and again 2005-04-29

Schlock bathes in Ovalkwik, mixed with castor oil, rock salt, and 50-weight hydraulic lubricant on 2003-02-18.


First appearance

The product is first seen on 2000-08-23 and first mentioned on 2001-02-25

Author's Note

[This space is reserved exclusively for Howard!]


[Insert uncertain and speculative facts about the technology. Include links to Schlock in the Real World where appropriate.]

External References