Genuine Imitation Ovalkwik
Description
A pseudo-chocolate drink-mix preferred by Carbosilicate Amorphs like Sergeant Schlock. It consists of glucose, fructose, corn syrup solids, concentrated cocoa-bean extract, assorted methylxanthine alkaloids (including caffeine, theobromine, and theophylline), sodium laureth sulphate, Minoxadyl, buckminster fullerene, codeine, hyper-ephedrine, nicotine, with BHA and BHT added to preserve freshness. Ch'vorthq characterized it as "a very heavy stimulant cocktail cut with shampoo and inert ultra-tensile carbon" [2001-02-25].
Although it should be mixed with a liquid & drunk, Sergeant Schlock eats it straight (but he has occasionally cut it with tequila).
It is what is meant by "The Tub of Happiness" (also [2001-02-25]).
History
New Ovalkwik Refreshing Energy Paste has been called 'sludgy', but that's okay, since the Ovalkwik Marketing Team bought the rights to add a new definition to the word "refreshing" [[[@http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2007-10-26%7C2007-10-26]]]
Notable Examples
Used to revive an ailing amorph population on [[[@http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2002-03-12%7C2002-03-12]]] ("It's easier to sprinkle it on your friends if you don't read the ingredients, soldier.")
Mixed with tequila [[[@http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2005-02-24%7C2005-02-24]]] and again [[[@http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2005-04-09%7C2005-04-29]]]
Schlock bathes in Ovalkwik, mixed with castor oil, rock salt, and 50-weight hydraulic lubricant on [[[@http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2003-02-18%7C2003-02-18]]].
Appearances
First appearance
The product is first seen on [[[@http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2000-08-23%7C2000-08-23]]] and first mentioned on [[[@http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2001-02-25%7C2001-02-25]]]
Author's Note
[This space is reserved exclusively for Howard!]
Speculation
[Insert uncertain and speculative facts about the technology. Include links to Schlock in the Real World where appropriate.]